


"Remus, I heard about the boggart."

by ennejoy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Genderqueer Character, Nonbinary Character, Sirius Black Free from Azkaban, Trans Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-05 02:22:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11568321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ennejoy/pseuds/ennejoy
Summary: Sirius finds out about a certain lesson Remus taught the Gryffindor third-years. They are not impressed.





	"Remus, I heard about the boggart."

**Author's Note:**

> Reading about the transphobic boggart lesson in Prisoner of Azkaban hurts me every time. I just don't understand why Remus would do that! This is my attempt to understand what was going on on that September day in 1993.
> 
> \--
> 
> Sirius is genderqueer, they/them. Remus is cis male, he/him.

It's a rainy afternoon, and they sit together in the corner of a Muggle cafe, watching people walk their gloomy-looking dogs on the main path of The Meadows.  
  
They've been living in Edinburgh since Peter was caught in the Shrieking Shack - Sirius wants to live near Hogwarts so as to be accessible by hippogriff to Harry and Remus, but with their history, Hogsmeade didn't feel the best choice.  
  
Remus is happier than in years. Since Sirius took Mr. Borgin's offer and sold the house at 12, Grimmauld Place (at a less-than-optimal price but with a promise of the Knockturn Alley brick-and-mortar's usual policy of No Questions Answered), they have seemed more at ease with the world. The years of incarceration have left their mark on Sirius, and there will be a lot of processing for them - both of them - to do, but life seems to be returning to a semblance of normalcy.  
  
That is, if you can speak of "normal" in their situation: Prongs and Lily dead, their son coming to live in Edinburgh with his godparents (once sufficient protection against Voldemort can be arranged), and Wormy waiting for his trial, the first practicing Death Eater to have been caught in years. Still, there has been a light in Padfoot's eyes that speaks of a hope rekindled.  
  
But today something's different.

* * *

  
  
"Pads, love, are you okay?"  
  
Sirius looks out into the rain, and doesn't say anything.  
  
"Sirius, what's the matter?"  
  
Sirius looks down at their hands. They look like they're trying to find words for something difficult.  
  
After a while, Padfoot speaks, still looking away from Remus.  
  
"I heard about the boggart."  
  
Remus isn't sure he has heard correctly.  
  
"Boggart? What boggart?"  
  
"Neville's boggart. Alice and Frank's boy. And what you did with it."  
  
The horrible realization takes some seconds to form. Padfoot knows!  
  
"I can't believe you would do something like that."  
  
Remus tries to find words - any words! Then he tries to change the past by sheer willpower. Failing that, he is left grasping at straws.  
  
"But it was Snape! Snivellus! You hate him!"  
  
The words sound desperately wrong even as he utters them. And Sirius turns to face him, fury written on every line of their face.  
  
"To hell with Snivellus, Moony! This is not about him! Don't you realise?"  
  
Their voice is suddenly hoarse with pain.  
  
"Can you imagine what that lesson meant for every trans person in the school? All the scared queer kids? To hear The Man In The Dress laughed at by your classmates - friends - everybody - and perhaps even having to join in for your own safety?"  
  
Remus listens. There's nothing he can say to make things better, not this time. There's no witty angle to this, nothing to soften the truth.  
  
He looks down, not able to look into Sirius' eyes.  
  
"Pads, I messed up."  
  
Silence.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Still no reply from Sirius.  
  
"I'll apologise to the school when term starts. And I'll write to Snape right away. I'll make things right. I messed up real bad, Pads, but I'll make up for it."  
  
There's a strange, muffled sound from Sirius. Remus looks up immediately, to see tears flowing down his partner's still hollow cheeks.  
  
"Moony, I - it hurt me so bad - when I heard."  
  
"Siri - I - I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. To you and to all the kids in the class. And -"  
  
There's something he must say, and it's infinitely more difficult than he could have imagined.  
  
"and the worst thing is that I knew what I was doing."  
  
Sirius' face changes.  
  
"Moony, what the -"  
  
"I know it was wrong! I knew already then! But - Harry - seeing Harry - seeing him was like seeing Prongs again, and it hurt me, you know that, it hurts you too -"  
  
Sirius interrupts him. Their voice is deceptively calm, but there are thunderclouds on their face.  
  
"And so you decided to pass down your hurt to kids who could never call you out?"  
  
"Yes - and to Snape, for being alive - and - and to you."  
  
"Me?"  
  
"I hated you at that moment, Pads. I had grieved for Prongs and Lily for twelve years, but I'd never hated you for their deaths. I couldn't do it. But at that instant, I saw them, Prongs' face and Lily's eyes, and - I - I - I wanted to hurt you."  
  
"And because I wasn't there, you punished other trans kids instead of me - not one - not two - but every single trans person in the school."  
  
Remus hangs his head.

The clank of a chair on the floor tiles;  
a swish of air;  
a tinkling bell at the cafe door.

* * *

  
  
The rain hasn't let up.  
  
A big black dog sits on the deserted top of Arthur's Seat, looking out into the mist.

 

* * *

  
  
The rain hasn't let up. A threadbare man with greying hair walks under the trees and up the hill covered with faded-yellow gorse bushes, calling his lover's many names.

 

* * *

  
  
The rain still hasn't let up.  
  
"Sirius?"  
  
The dog is there no longer; the tall, black-haired person looks away from Remus.  
  
"When Harry told me about that lesson, he was laughing."  
  
"--"  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"I said, 'I'm an idiot, Pads.'"  
  
"Well, that's for sure."  
  
"I'll talk to Harry."  
  
"You needn't. Well, about that at least. He knows better now."  
  
"Did you tell him you're -"  
  
"That's not the point. He needs to know not to laugh at transphobic jokes because they're evil and hurtful, not because of me or anybody else. But yeah, I told him."  
  
"I'll still talk to him. He needs to hear that I know I messed up."  
  
"--."  
  
"Sorry?"  
  
"I said, 'You're an idiot, Remus Lupin.'"  
  
"I am, Pads."  
  
"Good. Now let's go home."


End file.
